The Illest: Life With Chronic Pain & Fatigue

 I’ve missed you guys so much! I’ve gotten so many messages and I’m so so thankful to everyone who has reached out to make sure that I was okay. I am now.

     I needed to take some time to learn how to love me.

     I enjoy being available for you guys; the love and attention that I was giving to you all, I failed to give to myself.

      I’ve learned that I need to be ok with taking breaks when needed, just like stopping for gas while on a road trip. Because what happened was... my "car" broke down on this road trip and the consequences lasted way longer... 

Let me get you caught up on what I’ve been up to...

Chronic pain can make your favorite sexual positions uncomfortable, but this does not mean you have to completely give up on being intimate with your partner or keep you from having a fulfilling sex life. The key to being happy in your sex life is...

     The connection between chronic illness/mental illness and personal hygiene goes way deeper than most people may realize. Brushing teeth and bathing is second nature to most people, but if you are struggling, these are the tasks that are the hardest to complete.

     If you find yourself struggling with self-care, here are a few tips to make things easier for you...

     Chronic pain patients hide our pain so well, you cannot go by how we look on the outside. We have to learn how to function with pain, we don't have the luxury to wince and scream in agony all day.

     Medical gaslighting is when your doctor dismisses your health concerns by refusing to take you seriously or by ignoring your symptoms. They may have even told you that your symptoms are “all in your head."

     Can I just start by saying, dealing with Fibromyalgia and all of its weird symptoms is annoying (AF!). One symptom of Fibromyalgia we are all VERY aware of is “widespread pain”... But if you live with the condition, you know Fibromyalgia pain is way more complex than it sounds. Fibro pain affects any and every part of the body. Sometimes, it’s difficult to explain the types of pain we’re experiencing.
Well, now you can put a name to some of those aches and pains, some are medical terms and some are well known amongst the chronic illness and spoonie community.



Hyperalgesia   

     Hyperalgesia is the medical term for

     Living with a chronic illness is a constant cycle of changing symptoms and you’re forced to find new ways to deal with pain and fatigue.

     Changing my perspective was key. Changing the way I viewed my situation and limitations wasn’t easy but definitely beneficial.

Dear Healthy Friends,

Here's what you can do for me:

-be thankful you don't have a chronic illness.

-be thankful you don't have to deal with pain every second of your life.

-be thankful you don't have to choose between making breakfast and taking a shower before you leave the house..

-be thankful you don’t have to plan your life around your physical limitations.

...going as far as leaving notes on cars parked in handicapped spots trying to shame them for parking there, assuming they weren’t disabled based on the way they looked. 

     If you’re looking to get into the natural pain relief game, I’m here to help. I will break it all down so you can decide which choice would be a good fit for you.

     Many people are taking the natural route when it comes to healthcare; Cannabis is one of the more popular options for natural pain relief.

     Cannabis, also known as marijuana can be a great alternative to traditional pain-relieving medications. Figuring out which marijuana strain, Cannabidiol (CBD) or tetracannabinol (THC) product is the one for you can be “a bit much”, so let’s see if I can help.

     Living with a chronic illness is no walk in the park. When you’re sick with a cold or the flu, you know that eventually, you’re going to get better and life goes back to normal. A chronic illness is very different. It’s 24/7 and most likely may never go away. You have to reframe and redirect your life and thoughts to support a different narrative. Here are some tips to not only help you live a better life with your chronic illness, but help you thrive.

For a lot of people, the Holiday season is “the most wonderful time of the year,” but everyone doesn’t feel that way. For some, this time of year can be stressful as some may be experiencing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), financial issues, or experienced a loss.

     Self care should always be a priority, but practicing self care around the Holidays is a MUST. You can do more for others once you’ve done right by yourself. Remember, you can’t drive other people around if you don’t have any gas.

1. Remember to Laugh

     Living in chronic pain has made my sense of humor pretty dark to say the least. I can laugh at pretty much anything. Remember this when things aren’t going your way. Sometimes you have to literally laugh to keep from crying.

2. Create a...

I KNOW that getting multiple declined invites may have you thinking we aren’t interested, but nothing is further from the truth. We are sick about having to miss yet another gathering and are most likely having a pity party of our own. We don’t want to let you down and most of all, we do enjoy hanging out and having fun every now and then, it’s just that it it’s very painful to do so. Please don’t be upset if I have to cancel AGAIN. 

Well Warriors.... I did it. I went to a different country... a whole other continent by myself. I still can’t even believe the “solo-cation” actually happened.

     Weeks before departure time, my entire family was nervous for me; I wasn’t the least bit bothered until the day it was time for me to board. I had tears in my eyes as I was leaving my mom and headed through airport security.

     When I arrived in Bangkok and checked into my hotel, I found...

Rock climbing, walking around downtown Pasadena, and exploring the Santa Monica pier…that is how my now-husband and I spent our very first date. At the time, I wouldn’t have imagined that my life would look much differently only a couple years later.

When I met the man I would eventually marry...

     At that moment, the spoon theory was born. Christine quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell she grabbed spoons off of the other tables. She looked at her friend in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Fibro (or Lupus or      any other chronic pain condition)”. Christine explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

     Life is hard. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It throws you curve balls and they sometimes come out of left field. For some of you reading this, one of those curve balls is a diagnosis of a chronic illness.

As a mental health counselor and a fellow fibro warrior myself, I can speak to the brutality of this disease and the ways it can impede on our happiness and negatively impact our mental health...

So finally. The word is out. I have fibromyalgia; a chronic illness. In other words: you’ll be kinda sick forever but can still kinda function too. Now what?

     I found out pretty quickly that I had to make mental adjustments in order to accept the physical pain and future vision of fibromyalgia. I feel like I can handle the physical part (on most days), as long as my mind is calm.

     The main part of the mental challenges is THE AMOUNT OF QUESTIONS!
Who tf am I without pain?.....

     Living with a chronic illness means you have to get creative sometimes so you’re able to have a productive day. Here are some hacks that I’ve learned along the way.

1. Pregnancy Pillow

     These aren’t just for pregnant women; they work great to support aching joints and muscles.

     Exercising when you have chronic fatigue is really difficult. Add in near constant pain of some sort and level and it is even harder. I’m lucky in that exercise generally does make me feel  better. I very rarely have that natural endorphin high many fitness addicts claim to find, but I do feel much better about myself if I exercise. 

     Years ago, before I had my son, I was really quite fit. I loved using the gym; I went horse riding, running and kickboxing. Don't get me wrong, I’ve never been slim but I was strong.  That’s not to say I was happy with how I looked, I was not! But I did feel pretty good physically.  

     One of the reasons I chose to move to Guernsey was...

     Depression doesn’t care if you are rich or broke.

     Depression doesn’t care if you have a loving family or a gang of friends.

     Depression doesn’t care how old you are or where you’re from

     Depression doesn’t care if you are white, black, yellow or blue. Well, it’ll make you blue, but still, you get where I’m going.

I have been traveling for longer than I can remember (almost 30 years) and have had a chronic illness for half of that time. I know first hand that traveling while fighting for your health is EXTREMELY difficult, but not impossible. It’s not like you can leave your sick body and just get a new one for your vacation. (But, that’d be AMAZING, wouldn’t it!?) So because of this, planning ahead for any trip, or for anything for that matter, is so much more important when you are chronically ill. 

     Traveling takes a lot of courage especially when you don't always feel well. People may question why we would even want to travel if we “feel that sick”. It’s why we do anything... we want to live DESPITE being sick. I KNOW that there will be consequences for pushing myself on vacay, but sometimes we have to step outside of the world of our illnesses allows and just LIVE.

     Like my previous travel blog, I will be giving you tips on how to survive a vacation, but this time, it’s the cruise edition. 

1. Be Your Own Advocate

You have to speak up for yourself. Only you know how you’re feeling. Make sure your cruise companions have a clear picture of what you can and cannot do to prevent any future disappointment. 

     I am disabled, but more importantly, I am ABLED.

     At 21, I never thought I would be in chronic pain forever, also I did not think at 21 years old I would be a mother to a beautiful almost 3 year old, a loving partner and a striving student trying to achieve University.

      Every day is marathon day, but you never receive that golden medal. You watch your family cheer you on, with encouragement ‘to do the best you can without hurting yourself’ and biting their nails in anxiousness for us not to ‘over do it’.

When you have a chronic illness, people tend to see you as an inspiration. I hear how strong I am all the time. I’m smiling, laughing and usually the one providing the laughs; but when everyone leaves, the dark thoughts consume me and I struggle to be the person I portrayed just hours earlier.

     Each day that I had to go to school, I got angry at my mom for letting me. But she didn't know what was happening and neither did I until I slowly became aware of where the pain was located in my body. It was situated in my joints. When I described the pain to my mom, I remember saying it was "in my knees, sharp like a knife" and she brought me to her doctor. She suffers from an autoimmune disease called Lupus and she always had a sharp pain in her knee joints when she was my age. When she brought me to her doctor...

1. Acknowledge and accept your limitations.

     13 years of living with a chronic illness and I still struggle with this. Acceptance isn’t something you master and get over, it comes and goes. You can go an entire week being completely okay with your limitations and then BOOM; some thing or event sets you back. It’s important to remind yourself that limits are just that. It’s perfectly normal to get mad or be sad; you absolutely have the right to be, but you must not stay in that place. It’s not good for your mental health. 

1. Get moving

Even though you may be in pain when you get started, you HAVE to move. Not only will you start to feel a little better, your joints will be less stiff, but you will get a boost of endorphins.  During exercise, your body releases these chemicals which interact with the receptors in our brains that reduce the perception of pain.

Do you remember your first real date? Well, I can’t forget mine if I tried. While dining with family at Red Lobster, I met a flirty waiter. He was so handsome and his chocolate skin was so smooth and looked even better against his pearly whites. While getting ready to leave, flirty waiter summoned up enough courage to ask for my phone number. A week later, we have our first date.

     First red flag... he had no transportation or access to a vehicle whatsoever, meaning I had to drive. But, I’m 16 and anxious to get this first date under my belt. When I get to his house, I call to let him know I’m outside. Y’all... this was NOT the same guy I met at Red Lobster.

Imagine being a few days out from a huge promotion at work. Everything seemed to be going well, I was growing stronger in my confidence in my career, my place in life, and I was finally comfortable with the idea that I was completely mastering “ADULTING” and things seemed to be falling perfectly into place. You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t about to take over the world!

     Then BOOM, just like that it was all over.