Ain’t No Stopping Me Now!

by Krissy Ward

     Let me tell you about the time I went ATV’ing for the first time. This was something that had been on my bucket list for quite some time and I couldn’t be more excited for this experience and finally cross it off. By the way, we should all have bucket lists, some things to look forward to, a temporary escape from fibromyalgia.

     Ok, so anyway, my golden birthday was coming up. I was turning 27 on 27th, so what better way to celebrate than to turn up in Vegas, right!? I was so amped to finally go four wheeling, I scheduled this activity for the first day we got there. Now, why would I do that? Just forget about surviving the rest of the trip, huh Krissy? But, I wasn’t going to let fibro stop me, even though it did stop me later on. But “later on” wasn’t on my mind or my bucket list. 

     We get there and have to go pick out helmets. I already know my head is big and my hair is bigger, so I knowingly head toward the bigger helmets to find one to fit my big ass head. I find the biggest helmet and I’m pushing it on my head like I was trying to push a baby back up the birth canal. My friend and cousin were both struggling to get this helmet on my head, meanwhile my poor lil curls that I had spent all my spoons (energy) on to look cute for this trip, were getting all smushed and frizzy. After countless tries, they tell me they have to go on the back and find a helmet for me. Now, I’m embarrassed. Why did my head have to be so big!? Lol The store found a helmet to accommodate my head and the adventure began.

     We shuttled to a desert area to hop onto our ATVs. We were going super fast through the sand dunes, doing these angled curves, up and down steep hills; I was having the time of my life. I was scared, wanted to quit, but I ain’t no punk and plus, it was my idea for us to do this. When we were finished I was on this high. I felt exhilarated and accomplished.

     We headed back to the room to take showers and chill for a bit before heading to the club. 

     Y’all... it took me soooo long just to get up the stairs to get to the bathroom. My cousins were already coming out of the shower by the time I got up there. I really didn’t have the spoons (energy) to take a shower, but my entire body was covered in sand & dust so I had no choice. I finally took a shower and that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I completely lost it. I was in my room BAWLING my eyes out while everyone else was getting dressed to go back out. I went through so many emotions. I was furious at Fibro then I became sad because I should’ve known that I couldn’t be a “normal” person for just one freaking day. Then, I felt guilty because I was letting them down (y’all know I’m the life of the party lol). My cousin came in my room and talked me out of my pity party. I told them to go ahead and have a good time, but I was still feeling some type of way. After they left, I just sat there in this empty AirBnB feeling so incredibly lonely & just down. But then, I thought, girl you went freaking ATV’ing today! You crossed something off of your bucket list that’s been on there for YEARS! You’re a badass! You deserve to celebrate that! So I grabbed the bottle of Hennessy we had, smoked a little, then relaxed by the pool. I refused to let Fibro turn my awesome morning into a bad night.