Depression Doesn’t Care...

by Krissy Ward

     Depression doesn’t care if you are rich or broke.

     Depression doesn’t care if you have a loving family or a gang of friends.

     Depression doesn’t care how old you are or where you’re from

     Depression doesn’t care if you are white, black, yellow or blue. Well, it’ll make you blue, but still, you get where I’m going.

     Depression does not care who or where you are, it just comes out of nowhere and hits you like a Mack truck.

     If you follow Fibro Warriors on Instagram, (if you’re not, you should, we’re dope) you’d know that I’ve been open about feeling a little down lately. I feel down every now and then just because...just because Fibromyalgia is dumb and I still haven’t fully accepted being chronically ill. I can normally shake this feeling off but I haven’t been able to lately.
Nights are especially difficult. I have insomnia like crazy so after a few hours I find myself alone with my thoughts; they aren’t the best thoughts. I’m so hard on myself and never allow anyone to talk to me the way I talk to me at night. It’s like I forget how fly I am.

     Whenever someone famous says they’re depressed or we find out a celebrity has committed suicide, people on the outside tend to look at their situation and say “well how can they be depressed!? They had all that money!” and the people closest to them always say how the person was just smiling and laughing and seemingly in a good space.

     Depression doesn’t just look like one thing and it sure as hell doesn’t care what your life looks like on paper.

     So here I am on a cruise to Turks & Caicos, the weather is beautiful, the water is beautiful and I still could not shake that feeling off of me. Every night, my head would fill up with all sorts of negative thoughts about me and my life. I swam with dolphins, sharks and sea lions, had the time of my life and 20 minutes later, this heavy feeling came back and I legit had no real understanding of why I was feeling sad. Sometimes there’s no explanation, sometimes it just is.

     Depression doesn’t care if you’re an outgoing or happy person. When Robin Williams committed suicide, everyone tried to analyze his life and everything in it, but you can’t rationalize mental illness. Depression doesn’t make sense, period.

     I just want to tell you that you matter. You matter. You’re enough. You’re more than enough. You matter. You are every good adjective that exists.
     Self talk works both ways. Use affirmations often throughout the day. Write them on your heart. Make a conscience decision to find the good in everything.