The Illest: Life With Chronic Pain & Fatigue » Relationships
Chronic pain can make your favorite sexual positions uncomfortable, but this does not mean you have to completely give up on being intimate with your partner or keep you from having a fulfilling sex life. The key to being happy in your sex life is...
Dear Healthy Friends,
Here's what you can do for me:
-be thankful you don't have a chronic illness.
-be thankful you don't have to deal with pain every second of your life.
-be thankful you don't have to choose between making breakfast and taking a shower before you leave the house..
-be thankful you don’t have to plan your life around your physical limitations.
For a lot of people, the Holiday season is “the most wonderful time of the year,” but everyone doesn’t feel that way. For some, this time of year can be stressful as some may be experiencing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), financial issues, or experienced a loss.
Self care should always be a priority, but practicing self care around the Holidays is a MUST. You can do more for others once you’ve done right by yourself. Remember, you can’t drive other people around if you don’t have any gas.
1. Remember to Laugh
Living in chronic pain has made my sense of humor pretty dark to say the least. I can laugh at pretty much anything. Remember this when things aren’t going your way. Sometimes you have to literally laugh to keep from crying.
2. Create a...
I KNOW that getting multiple declined invites may have you thinking we aren’t interested, but nothing is further from the truth. We are sick about having to miss yet another gathering and are most likely having a pity party of our own. We don’t want to let you down and most of all, we do enjoy hanging out and having fun every now and then, it’s just that it it’s very painful to do so. Please don’t be upset if I have to cancel AGAIN.
Rock climbing, walking around downtown Pasadena, and exploring the Santa Monica pier…that is how my now-husband and I spent our very first date. At the time, I wouldn’t have imagined that my life would look much differently only a couple years later.
When I met the man I would eventually marry...
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. Christine quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell she grabbed spoons off of the other tables. She looked at her friend in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Fibro (or Lupus or any other chronic pain condition)”. Christine explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.
There are so many different factors that can make dating with a chronic illness difficult and sometimes even scary. When do I tell them? How do I tell them? How much do I tell? How will they respond? Will they “get it”? Will it change the way they see me?
What I have learned is:
I am disabled, but more importantly, I am ABLED.
At 21, I never thought I would be in chronic pain forever, also I did not think at 21 years old I would be a mother to a beautiful almost 3 year old, a loving partner and a striving student trying to achieve University.
Every day is marathon day, but you never receive that golden medal. You watch your family cheer you on, with encouragement ‘to do the best you can without hurting yourself’ and biting their nails in anxiousness for us not to ‘over do it’.
When you have a chronic illness, people tend to see you as an inspiration. I hear how strong I am all the time. I’m smiling, laughing and usually the one providing the laughs; but when everyone leaves, the dark thoughts consume me and I struggle to be the person I portrayed just hours earlier.
Each day that I had to go to school, I got angry at my mom for letting me. But she didn't know what was happening and neither did I until I slowly became aware of where the pain was located in my body. It was situated in my joints. When I described the pain to my mom, I remember saying it was "in my knees, sharp like a knife" and she brought me to her doctor. She suffers from an autoimmune disease called Lupus and she always had a sharp pain in her knee joints when she was my age. When she brought me to her doctor...
Do you remember your first real date? Well, I can’t forget mine if I tried. While dining with family at Red Lobster, I met a flirty waiter. He was so handsome and his chocolate skin was so smooth and looked even better against his pearly whites. While getting ready to leave, flirty waiter summoned up enough courage to ask for my phone number. A week later, we have our first date.
First red flag... he had no transportation or access to a vehicle whatsoever, meaning I had to drive. But, I’m 16 and anxious to get this first date under my belt. When I get to his house, I call to let him know I’m outside. Y’all... this was NOT the same guy I met at Red Lobster.